God, I want what You want, really.
Your dreams are better than mine,
Your wisdom is wider, Your design is perfect,
You created me for Your own delight.

I thought my dreams were Your dreams
But hit up against a gap of great magnitude,
My disappointments, my losses are too great
I can't fathom a way to recovery.

"The Lord said to Moses, 'Come up to Me
On the mountain and wait there...' "
But, I am stuck in the valley of despair
My dream for a child is dashed, waiting unbearable.

The Psalmist writes "Wait for the Lord
And keep His way, and He will exalt you
To inherit the land..." and I wait...
But fruitfulness is beyond my reach.

I sing Job's song, "What is my strength,
That I should wait? And what is my end,
That I should be patient?" Impossible I think.
My heartbreak is too deep, too enveloping.

Do I want motherhood more than I want You, God?
Do I believe You have abandoned me, or punished me,
Or just forgotten to make Your good plans for me?
Honestly, I live with the answer affirmative.

So, change my heart, and do what seems impossible,
Overlay my dreams with Your dreams,
Let me measure my life by my losses, not gains,
As You weave my circumstances into eternal purposes.

Don't remove my motherhood dreams, but help me in them
To live well in the present, comforted when these dreams are dashed.
In the moments of tragedy, remind me of Your love,
And let me come to grasp that Your dreams are simply better.

Because You are God, Creator, Holy King, 
And You are not as far removed from my dreams as I believe,
You are drawing me to Yourself in the hardest faith test of all,
To a place, not of my dreams, but of Your dreams. 

Help me in that journey I pray. Amen.