I met my husband while in college at UVA. Two years later we were engaged, and then married in October 2002. In our early married days, we lived in the Hampton Roads area and I attended ODU grad school for training as a physical therapist while my husband started working in his field. Then, when I started working as a PT, my husband went to the College of William & Mary to earn his MBA. By 2008, we were ready to start a family and had no thoughts that there would be a problem. But, one year went by and then we started medical testing to determine if there was a problem.
After a lot of cycle tracking, one surgery to address a male factor issue, and some attempts to achieve pregnancy using Clomid and IUI’s under the direction of my OBGYN, we decided to consult with the Jones Institute (as it was called then) and concluded that IVF was the best intervention path forward for us. For various reasons, we were considered a “high success rate” couple with no red flags to be concerned about. I started the meds in the summer of 2010 and underwent egg retrieval in early August. I had been determined to be a high risk for hyperstimulation, so medications were given at a cautious dose.
The first egg retrieval was a huge disappointment. The procedure only yielded three eggs of which only one embryo with viability. This was a shock since the “no red flags” report made me expect that the average 7-8 eggs would be retrieved. We proceeded with the transfer of one embryo. Unfortunately, I got the call that I was not pregnant and was hit with a major emotional blow. I had been so open with friends and family during this first intervention that I had not expected any kind of disappointment. I was surrounded by support, but it was a very low point.
Meanwhile, I had been in charge of 28 baby showers over time at my church and was emotionally taxed. I was living with the reality of being the first of my friends to get married and now possibly the last to ever have children. My husband and I decided to take a break and go out of town in September and face another egg retrieval the next month on October 10th. The medication dosage had been increased and the retrieval yielded more eggs of which 3 were viable embryos.
My husband and I had also made the decision not to donate or discard eggs. Cautiously we agreed to transferring all 3 embryos. This round of IVF we had only communicated with several close friends unlike before. The transfer happened on October 13th. Within two weeks, the HCG levels indicated a “multiples” pregnancy. Within 6-7 weeks we knew we were pregnant with triplets, two were strong, the third measuring smaller with a weaker heartbeat. Now we entered a category of pregnancies requiring a consultation regarding selective reduction with Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) at Eastern Virginia Medical School. We would have said no to any kind of reduction, but went through the motions of the consultation as required.
Unexpectedly, at a subsequent ultrasound, it was discovered that there was no evidence of Baby C. We accepted this as God’s provision in bringing us into a lower risk pregnancy at 10 weeks. Again, we didn’t share much with anyone, as we felt very sobered during this stretch of the pregnancy. Despite no longer being considered a high risk pregnancy I was fortunate enough through God’s providence to have a personal referral to the Maternal Fetal Medicine department head at the time. He wasn’t taking patients but agreed to take me as a patient which calmed my anxiety. I then met this doctor’s PA who monitored my pregnancy from then on and who became a close friend for life.
Overall, my pregnancy was uneventful and progressed as expected. I loved being pregnant and because of my physician I was able to have over 20 ultrasounds during my pregnancy and seeing my babies almost every appointment. I stopped work as a PT in April 2011 due to being on my feet all day, leading to contractions that were not welcomed yet. Fortunately, my manager at the time was my close friend and support system which made things with leaving work less stressful. I processed the whole journey along the way with my very good friend Alysa who had been through IVF beforehand. She was a very confident sounding board and I felt that she kept me anchored. My Christian faith remained unshaken as I kept seeing God’s provisions of medical expertise for me.
At 38 weeks I was induced due to early signs of pre-eclampsia. I cried as I was admitted because I loved being pregnant and knew that this was my only expected pregnancy and I didn’t want it to end. Although the doctor was heavily involved in the medical school’s graduation, his suit still on, he arrived at the right time to deliver my twin girls. The girls were born at 12:01 and 12:02 a.m. on July 19th (Father’s Day).
Fast forward to today, the twins are 15 years old. In the same way that various people came alongside me in my infertility and IVF journeys, for years I have come alongside women in similar situations and I am now able to pay it forward as I serve in leadership for the local support group Kairos Eight25, http://www.kairos825.com. God is giving me opportunities to build relationships and to provide real presence for other women who struggle with infertility, pregnancy loss, or infant loss. Often one of the biggest questions surrounding infertility is why me? God continues to reveal through people, relationships, and events how His sovereign plan has worked through my story even now.
One thing that really helped me and my husband was that we made a concise plan before starting IVF to prepare ourselves with establishing an ending point for medical treatments and an agreement to accept a negative result if that was what would have occurred. The IVF process is very complicated and we found it emotionally helpful to have a defined game plan before undergoing the overwhelmingness of the actual process and attributed hormone fluctuations.
I received comfort from the following song:
Before The Morning by Josh Wilson
https://share.google/71OaUU56txXdZ3Wrf
As a favorite resource, I now recommend the following ministry to women experiencing infertility:
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