Romans 12:15 that says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Another Bible version says, “weep with those who weep” (NKJV). One of the greatest gifts to others who are suffering is to pay forward to them the gift of presence – in other words, personally “grieve with those who grieve.”

God’s intent in Creation was that it was not good for man to be alone. Genesis 2:18 says, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ ” In response to the plea of Moses asking God that he not face ruin by trying to carry all the heavy burdens of the Israelites, God said (Numbers 11:17), “I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take some of the power of the Spirit that is on you and put it on them. They will share the burden of the people with you so that you will not have to carry it alone.”

As Jesus was preparing to return to the Father after His resurrection, he comforted the disciples by explaining that He would send the Holy Spirit and, in this way, His presence would reside in every believer far and wide. John 16:7 says, “But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away (ascend), the Advocate (Holy Spirit) will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you.” In the earthly ministry of Jesus, only those who were physically with him could enjoy His presence. However, the gift of the Holy Spirit would enable all believers everywhere to experience His presence.

For women who desire and hope for children when it doesn’t seem to be working out, the path is utterly lonely. The presence of another can lighten the loneliness. The presence of another can offer a bit of warmth to fill an otherwise dark tunnel. The presence of another can allow processing outside of a vacuum. “One-another” care is a good gift of God.

We too often forget the gospel of hope when we forget that God is a God of infinite love. That He carries us. That He is truly present. That He supplies others to be present with us. We forget that we have the privilege of asking in faith for God’s Spirit to help us recognize the unseen biblical and spiritual dimensions of our trials. That these trials are never without purpose, even though they come with much pain. We forget that our ultimate good comes when we increasingly reflect the moral character Jesus Christ for God’s glory. The mystery that confuses us is that our own suffering is providentially orchestrated to accomplish something eternal and good.  

Processing suffering alone can easily lead to the wrong conclusion that our suffering is somehow a reflection of God’s feelings toward us. Errant voices make us forget that our human tendency is to cast blame somewhere, on God or even on ourselves. Errant voices lock us into constantly keeping score when we look at others. We compete. We are tossed around by unhealthy expectations, ours and those of others. We are quick to think that suffering should not be a part of life.

We need to remember that a “performance-based mentality” can be our enemy. Believing our hardships are there to accomplish something only helps if you are aware of the Redeemer’s goodness. While it is true that you do not just get over losses that are painful and simply move on, these losses change you over time. As an instrument in the Redeemer’s hands, our losses can bring about something good because Jesus came to give us victory over death. We suffer, but not without hope.

Our suffering does not go unnoticed by God, and it is not unnoticed by others around us who express the compassion of Christ by offering their presence. You do not have to carry it alone. About God, Psalm 68:5,6 says, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God is His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, He leads out the prisoners with singing…”

The journey of infertility, miscarriage or infant loss is an intensely personal loss. We understand that Jesus suffered in the same general ways – suffering from loneliness and isolation, suffering from fear and anxiety, ultimately suffering death on the cross (loss of life).  His presence is offered through the gift of the Holy Spirit as well as the the presence of others who are made available by the Holy Spirit.